Self Control

I'm forever lecturing myself.

Fine, I talk to myself in general. Hey, it who can be better for conversation? You can only argue as long as you can keep coming up with rebuttals. And no matter what, you always win. It's a pretty sweet deal, really.

Anyway, as I was saying, I lecture myself quite a bit. Like when I open the freezer and the music swells as a perfect halo of light frames the seductive curve of the ice cream carton.

I will have self control. I will have self control.

Or maybe when I launch Lord of the Rings Online and there's a high end raid about to start. It's going to take a few hours to complete. I will have self control. The raid goes well, very well in fact. And they want to know if I am up for another run. Glancing at the clock, I tell myself that I will have self control. I will have self control. I will have - "OK! Just a quick Bio break and I'll be ready to go!!"

 {-_-}

I will have self control.

I will have self control when I look at that lovely, golden, smooth stick of butter.

I will have self control when I want to sit on the couch and stare at Facebook whilst my brain and body rot together in wretched happiness and loathing.

My point is, I'm always telling myself that I will have self control. But the reality is, I've already got self control. It's not something that I have to get. I'm not a slave to my will or lack thereof. I already have bucket loads of it. You want to know how I know?


Paul told me so. Mmmhmm. We're good friends, Paul and I. At least he talks a lot and I try my best to tune him out. Usually what he has to say hits a little too close to home. Like this: 
          

          But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,       

          faithfulness,gentleness and self‑control. Against such things there is no law 

          Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions
         and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.                                                                                                                                                                     

                                                                                              Galatians 5:22-25

Did you catch that? "But the fruit of the Spirit is..." 
Not "will be."
Not "you'll someday get______." 
Not even "if you pray really, really hard maybe someday you can be like a monk in Tibet and have super human self control." 


It is. The fruit of the Spirit is self control. And I've already got that. So, by the same token, I already have all the self control I need.


How beautiful. Another gift. You know, the more I dig into scripture, the less I feel like a victim and the more I feel like a bit of spoiled brat. A princess, if you will.

And that's really cool since I have always loved princesses. 

Here's to Knocking on Mordor's Gates

I'm always thinking that I want an epic adventure. (Because pain and starvation and facing all the odds would be fun? 0.o I know, I'm weird.)

Today I had this idea that following Christ is like an epic adventure. Like Frodo Baggins leaving the Shire, we have to separate ourselves from the world. Not because the world is horrible and evil (ok, it is - just read the news) and we are better than it, but rather that we might save it. (Well, Jesus has already saved it, but most people don't know it. They keep walking towards death and despair.)  My point is, God does not call us to something comfortable. He calls us to the narrow path, the uncomfortable path.

And like Frodo, we cannot carry our faith and not be changed. The Shire, though he loved it, held little joy for Frodo when he returned from Mordor. All his hope became wrapped up in the Undying Lands to the West.

The truth is, I'm already living an epic adventure. I just have to remind myself of that sometimes. My little hobbit hole can get pretty comfortable and I forget that all of Middle Earth still needs saving.

So to speak, of course.

Edit: Please try not to judge my theology on this post, nor the fact that I just compared my faith in Christ to ring bent on destroying its barer. It's just an incomplete thought that I felt rather intriguing. 

God's Good, Amazing Grace

So a little history lesson first.

Ernie and I have been struggling in debt for the last 2 years. I mean just drowning. Before we left California, we were literally sliding backwards more each month. We moved to Texas, made a budget, and a lot of changes. We got a handle on it, but truth be told, with our income, high interest rates and everything we were still going to be paying it off for the next 10 years. We seriously considered defaulting and dealing with bad credit for 7 years. We were a week away from just…ignoring it. Then we decided that we should pay it all. It became a matter of integrity to me. It didn't matter that we had paid all of the principle off and the next ten years would be pure interest. WE read the contract. We signed our names. Therefore, you needed to pay our debts. The parents offered to help us pay it off – rolling it over onto 0% interest cards and stuff. We declined. They had helped us enough. We needed to pay it ourselves.

That was one week ago today. My husband just walked into the office with a letter from his last employer. They've had a class action lawsuit filed against them concerning overtime laws.
They are FedEx'ing a check to us tomorrow for nearly $34,000.00! By the time the taxes are taken out, it should be around 14k – just enough to pay off our debt in total. Is His grace not amazing?!
Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added to you.