Thunder and Hookah

Marriage is messy.

It's kind of like taking a rough figure and rubbing sanding paper across it. It causes you to look closer at yourself and your motives.

Tonight i ended up self-exiling myself to my back porch with a candle and my hookah. God decided that i needed to be reminded of my significance in this world. The entire sky behind my house turned into a continual light show. Lightning tore the sky from end to end - without the lightest peal of thunder. Even the Sky dances for Him. What had I thanked Him for today? Nothing. I griped and moaned and pouted all day. It really got me to thinking.

This is the conclusion i have come to:

Life is hard. I keep waiting for it to get easy. Slowly I am realizing that it's never going to. And i think the most difficult part about it all is Me. The way i deal with it. Or rather, don't deal with it. I just get mad. I get pouty. Pouty! The worst part is that I KNOW when I am doing it. And yet...I still pitch a stupid fit. I know it's ridiculous! Like Paul said, why do I do the things i know i ought not? Why don't i do what i know I should?

I am a messy, dirty, selfish person. I want to change - I NEED to change. I used to think I was good. The older I get, the more I realize how wretched I truly am. I know I need Jesus. Even when he provides for me, I am so quick to forget, so quick to shove him away and say, "I can do it!"

I need to stand on His grace. Maybe I ought to pray. What a novel concept, huh? :)